Tomoe Mami

There's blood everywhere and pain. Too much pain. My hips scream at me as I reach out to anyone or anything that I might grab onto. I snatch only air and in vain as the pain quakes through my body. Breaths gasp out in great leaps as hot tears burn my cheeks. What am I supposed to do? I want to live. I want to live. He appears out of the darkness, white and pink - something half cat and something half fox. I can't quite make out his form with pain screaming in my ears, threatening to crush my body. His words sound foreign and I can't make them out but the tone is almost angelic. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. But I don't want too! I want to live. I have no time left as the only words I understand slam against my ears.

"I want to live!"

My voice cracks against my throat barely escaping my lips as the tears stop. The heavy burden of my body changes. The pain that engulfed me slipped from my nerves and out of my fingertips until nothing was left. I feel light and free, my heart still beating. Breaths tumble out of my lungs and I sink to the cold asphalt. The cold night air kisses my skin, cooling the hot tear trails. Relief washes away at the stack of cars and bodies around me. My eyes burn again. Why? Why am I still alive? How? He reintroduces himself as Kyubey, explaining that my wish to live granted him my word in contract. I lived and from now on, I will fight witches. I have no idea what that means. I wanted to live.

I attend school the same as always, a third year student at Mitakihara Middle School. No one notices anything different about me nor do they seem to notice Kyubey. He is my silent companion, leaving when it suits him. Often leaving me in an apartment too large for just myself. The giant reminder that my parents are gone. My relatives don't contact me, too far away to care. The stab of loneliness wears on my heart, beating against it as though it might break me one day.

But I can't cry. I need to be strong; I need to keep moving forward. No one can help me with the things I still have to do. I made a wish, I will live with it, but that doesn't change the fact that I am all alone and it doesn't change the nights when all I do is cry. Should I have made another wish? What could I have done instead?

When classmates see me, I smile. I greet them with a bright attitude and try my best to stay positive. I watch everyone usually keeping to myself. I don't know what else to do or how to reach out to others. But if I could, I hope that I could hold them tight. If these hands could just reach, what could I grab hold of? Maybe, if I could I would wish for a friend or companion who understands. Kyubey is here as much as he can be but he searches for something. Something I can't give him. If he brings others, I want them to make rational wishes. I want them to think about it better than I did. Because once the wish is made, it's all we have left. One should devote their life to it, be willing to die for it, and never look back.

Pretty Cowgirl Mami

Mami's outfit is western inspired. It strikes me as being based off of a cowgirl's. It is one of the things that draws me to her. Her main weapons are rifles and ribbons. I think this fits very well with her over all image. Cowboys as portrayed in media are seen as being loners, lone wolves, or just being lonely. Perhaps Mami's powers manifested as a way to reflect that loneliness. She fits in with that particular archetype, she is strong, reliable, proud, and cool but secretly very lonely. She opens up to Madoka allowing the other girl to see her cry and admonishing her own weakness.

Mami wants desperately to reach out to others. I believe that this desire is what gives her ribbons and rifles. The rifle has a much further reach than many of the other weapons that the other girls have. It allows her to be a strong and effective guardian without putting herself into too much danger (which aligns with her desire to live). The ribbons could theoretically be used to reach to others or grab a hold of them outside of her normal reach. She could then wrap them up or keep them in place. This also reflects her idea of wanting to be around others, but also keeps with her selfish mindframe. She wants people close but doesn't know how to keep them there. The ribbons manifest as a way to keep people where she needs them.

Magical Girl's Curse

The soul of a magical girl is removed from their bodies and made into a soul gem (which I do not believe that Mami knows but she takes very good care of it because it is the source of her magic). Magical girls becomes witches, the release of energy from this transformation saves the universe (according to Kyubey). It is this revelation that causes Mami much heartache and grief. It could be the fact that regardless of what they do, they will be witches. I believe more so that it is the idea that everything she's been fighting for has and will be for nothing. In essence she's been killing magical girls overcome with grief. This realization would hit her hard! Logically she could assume that whatever she did would lead to two options - being a witch or death. She wants to stop witches but she realizes that all magical girls will become witches, she loses her mind. As seen before she makes decisions in haste.

Mami dies near the end of volume one, decapitated by a witch. At this point in the story the only other magical girl is Homura, but Mami does not trust her because of a previous attack on Kyubey. She makes note to deal with Homura later, but I feel she had every intention of coming back and trying to reason with her. Instead of listening to Homura (who tries to warn her), Mami uses her magic to tie Homura in ribbons and heads off to fight the witch to save Sayaka and Kyubey, Madoka joins her. However, Mami is not strong enough to beat the witch. Upon her death, Homura is released from her confinement and dispatches of the witch saving Sayaka and Madoka.

As jarring as it was, Mami's death makes a lot of sense with her character, she wanted to protect those who believed in her. She set out to do so with confidence. True to her nature her emotions clouded her judgment and she once again lost her head. The final time, much more literally than others. Her soul gem was consumed by the witch that removed her head and that is most likely why Mami was unable to be revived or helped without another girl's wish. Rather, that could by why Kyubey was unable to help her even though he could offer some help cleansing soul gems.